5 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt as a Leader

When Julie and I first stepped into leading our church, Christ Fellowship, we had been on staff for over 20 years serving my parents’ vision. Now, this was different—now we were leading. I immediately fell into the trap of comparing myself to my dad, Tom Mullins. He is full of integrity and character and has a way of connecting with anyone—from Uber drivers to presidents of nations. He can preach, lead, and solve complicated problems without even breaking a sweat. And I had to follow in his footsteps. In addition to that, as I was beginning to preach regularly, Dr. John Maxwell was often seated on the front row listening to me. Talk about intimidating.

I found myself constantly comparing my preaching to John’s or my dad’s. I would watch other pastors online and think, “They preach so much better than I do. I can’t do this!” Comparison wasn’t helping me get better; it was stirring up feelings of insecurity and doubt, and it was about to take me out as I was just getting started.

I remember the weekend when everything changed. I was preaching, and John was on the front row taking notes. In the middle of the message, I thought, “What could I possibly be saying that John Maxwell would want to write down?” But instead of being intimidated, I decided to go straight to John after the service and ask him for coaching. I decided to lean into the discomfort and get the most out of it. I asked one of the best communicators on the planet to help me get better. Every week that John was on the front row I would ask him the same question. And every week, he coached and corrected me, helping me improve my communication skills. I flipped comparison on its head that day and leveraged it for my good.

Anytime we compare ourselves as leaders to what other leaders have or what they’ve accomplished, it only leads to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. We end up undervaluing the good in our lives because it doesn’t seem as good as what they have. Comparison is more than just a harmless habit; it is a corrosive force that undermines our self-worth, distorts our perception of reality, and undermines our ability to lead effectively. When we measure our lives against the perceived success of other leaders, we fail to see the unique journey God has laid out for us. Instead of celebrating our own achievements and blessings, we become fixated on what we lack.

No one wins at the comparison game, but when kept in check, comparison can have some positive side effects. It can motivate us to improve. We see an area where someone else is excelling, and it inspires us. Instead of getting jealous or sinking into self-doubt, we can gain insights and perspectives that make us better. When I hear a great communicator such as John Maxwell or Craig Groeschel, I can study their skill of communicating and how they connect with people and allow their expertise to challenge me, grow me, and expand my skill set. That turns our natural tendency to compare on its head. Same game, different rules. 

Since comparing ourselves to other people is something we will all face as leaders, I’ve decided to put some new rules in place when it comes to the comparison game

Rule #1:  Be self-aware:

We must acknowledge our tendency to compare ourselves with others, remembering that what we see online is not the full story. We can’t allow ourselves to be intimidated by people who have accomplished more than us. We can learn from them, but we have to run our own race.

Rule #2: Set personal goals:

We need to focus on our own personal growth and achievements rather than floundering in feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. When we set and reach our goals, it builds a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Rule #3: Limit social media:

One study that examined the effects of social media on users’ mental health found that prolonged use led to increased feelings of envy and decreased life satisfaction. Reducing our time on social media will lessen our exposure to unrealistic portrayals of other people’s lives. As a result, it will minimize our temptation to compare. All that time can be redirected to accomplishing our goals.

Rule #4: Cultivate gratitude:

An attitude of gratitude will shift our focus from what we don’t have to what we do have, building a spirit of contentment and reducing the constant urge for more. 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 (BSB) tells us, “Rejoice at all times; pray without ceasing; give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Get a gratitude journal and write down the things you’re grateful for daily.

Rule #5: Flip the script:

Every time we feel intimidated by someone else’s accomplishments, we can use it to grow. Seeking to understand what motivates them just might inspire us. Identify two people who could be intimidating (because of their success or talent) and think of ways to turn intimidation into inspiration. Write out two questions you could ask them to help you grow.

Changing the rules of the comparison game changes everything because it helps you see yourself the way God sees you. God doesn’t compare you with anyone else. He values you not for what you do or have accomplished but simply for who you are. You are His child. You are His masterpiece, and He has put gifts, talents, and a unique ability to lead inside of you. When you compare anything lacking in your life to the overwhelming, immeasurable love that God has for you, you win at the comparison game every time.

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