The journey from puppy love to lasting love requires a plan.

I met Julie at youth group in the seventh grade and it was puppy love from the start. We had an off-and-on relationship through high school, and went our separate ways for college, but we kept in touch by exchanging a few letters. But one year, I came home for winter break and we had a blast hanging out together. By the end of that break, I knew one thing for certain: I have to marry this girl. So, even though we weren’t dating, holding hands, or even talking about marriage—I went out and bought a ring, got down on one knee, and popped the question. Yep, that’s how I roll!

Our love story went from puppy love to proposal, to being happily married for nearly 38 years. One thing I’ve learned is that puppy love comes easy, all it takes is a pulse. Anyone can fall in love—but staying in love? That takes a plan. A marriage that goes the distance requires intentionality, commitment, and God’s direction. Here are three ways you can journey from puppy love to lasting love:

1. Know Where You’re Going

Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” The same applies to marriage. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. If you want to go the distance in your marriage, you have to know where you’re going. No one drifts their way into a strong, thriving relationship—it takes vision. But not just any vision, God’s vision.

It’s hard to catch the vision God intended for marriage when you look around and see brokenness. The statistics can be discouraging: Less than half of all marriages last. 20% of married men and 15% of married women have had affairs. And every 13 seconds, someone gets divorced. But, God has a different plan and if we want something better than what other people have, then we need to do something different than other people do. 

Many approach marriage like a beach vacation—expecting smooth sailing and sunsets. But marriage is more like climbing Mount Everest. It requires preparation, perseverance, and hard work. There will be moments where you’re holding on for dear life, but the view at the top? Absolutely worth it. When you have a vision for the summit, you prepare differently. You don’t just pack light—you equip yourself for the journey ahead. 

Take time as a couple to identify and discuss your values and vision for your marriage. Create a strategy and make sure that your calendar reflects your priorities. If the story of your marriage is one of surviving, it’s time to sit down and write a new story of thriving. 

2. Choose Your Traveling Companions Wisely

When it comes to marriage, if you show me your friends, I’ll show you your future. Sociologists say, “You will become the average of your five closest friends.” If the only picture of marriage you have is the unhealthy one you grew up with or your friends’ broken marriages, your vision for marriage is blurry. You need a different vision. You need to get around healthy, thriving marriages, people who genuinely love each other, and couples who laugh together, pray together, and build each other up.

Wives, if you’re constantly around women who put down their husbands and complain about their marriages, you’ve got backseat drivers—people distracting you and pulling your relationship in the wrong direction. Men, if you’re hanging out with guys who aren’t faithful or who justify behavior that doesn’t build up their marriages, those friendships will tear your marriage down and run you off the road.

You may not always know what to do in your marriage, but you can always know where to go. Psalm 92:13 says, “Those who are planted in the house of the Lord will flourish…” The Church is the only place that is completely dedicated to helping you win at what matters most—your relationship with God and each other. It is in Church that Julie and I found amazing examples of marriage, people who gave us a vision of what was possible. 

Who are your five closest friends? Do they have marriages you aspire to? Are you planted in the Church and identifying some marriage mentors or role models? You can take your vision of marriage from blurry to beautiful by choosing the right traveling companions.

3. Check the Rearview Mirror 

Sometimes, the best way to move forward is to remember where you started. What made you fall in love in the first place? Do you remember how you used to do anything for each other? Do you remember the butterflies? Early in marriage, we say, “Pookie, let me get that for you!” Years later, it turns into, “You’ve got two legs… get it yourself.” When we stand at the altar, we vow to honor one another, but honor seems to be the vow broken most often.

Dishonor doesn’t have to look like yelling or being cruel. The Greek word for dishonor, Atimos, means “to treat as common or ordinary.” That means we can be married, go to church together, pray together, and still miss out on the marriage God intended—simply because we’ve started treating each other as common. On the contrary, honor means “to place high value, to highly esteem, to treat as precious and weighty.” Romans 12:10 reminds us to, “Outdo one another in showing honor.”

When we honor our spouse:

• We give weight and value to who they are.
• We acknowledge them as a gift from God.
• We create an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit is free to move.

Blessing always follows honor. And in marriage, honor is not a feeling we have—it’s a vow we keep. Check your rearview mirror and ask yourself, “How did I honor my spouse in the beginning of our marriage?” And, “In what ways have I started to treat my spouse as common?”

When Julie and I were full of butterflies and puppy love in the seventh grade, we weren’t thinking about a plan. But we’ve learned that with God’s vision, the right traveling companions, and a commitment to honor one another, we can have a lasting love that far exceeds puppy love. It requires following God’s directions, some occasional u-turns and apologies, and checking the rearview mirror to remember our vows—but for us, we believe that our marriage will be the greatest message that we ever preach. So, if you’re ready to go the distance in marriage, buckle up and plan for the journey ahead because happily ever after is not something you stumble into, it’s a destination you carefully construct.

 [¹] U.S. Census Bureau. Divorce Statistics for 2022. Petrelli Law. Retrieved from https://www.petrellilaw.com/divorce-statistics-for-2022

 [²] Wolfinger, N. Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Cheating in America. Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved from https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

 [³] Divorce Statistics and Facts. Wilkinson & Finkbeiner Family Law Attorneys. Retrieved from https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts

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